logically, this would be illogical

I’ve been having nights where I feel like I’m being drowned by thoughts. They hound me, they surround me, and they pull me down, far far away from the surface of sanity, reality and reason.

A moment that will never be. That’s what is holding me hostage. Something that I didn’t choose to happen happened virtually, and I’m suffering the guilt. It doesn’t make sense, but I never made sense to myself anyway. They say all roads lead to Rome, and my stupidity years ago points to me as the cause of this.

The clear-headed side of me is shouting “ENOUGH ALREADY!”. I’m trying. Just today, the impulsitivity came twice, but I didn’t give in. Trying my best to remove that little bit of negativity and regret, and if possible, the stimuli for relapse.

Oh and I finally remember why I don’t tell people my heart. But it’s already too late.